How do you know she's the 'one'?!

"How do you know she's the One?" has been a struggling question I've asked myself over and over again for as long as I acknowledged my hormonal affinity towards females. The question eventually evolved to "How do I know this is the One God wants me to be with?" To be honest, 'till this day, I still can't answer that question. However, what I have discovered is how I know a girl is NOT the one, and who is SUPPOSED to be the One.

Since our early friendship, there was something about Adrienne's prayer life that made her very attractive. As she prayed, I remember yearning to have the same kind of relationship with Jesus that she had. Not only that, but there was something about her prayer life that made her seem alive! From yesterday's sermon by Pastor Brent, he used breathing for humans as a metaphor for prayer for Christians. If humans do not breathe, it means they're dead - duh?! Likewise, the vitality of a Spirit-filled Christian life depends on prayer. I personally want a lifelong partner that is spiritually alive, and their prayer life demonstrates that inner life. So if your potential partner ain't breathing, she ain't living.

The two greatest commandments in scripture is 1) Love God; and 2) Love people (Matthew 22). One morning, I was eating breakfast with my family and my parents both started sharing with me the importance of having Jesus as my 'lightbulb' in my relationship with Adrienne. They explained to me that wherever we go, whatever we do, or whatever we say, make your decisions as if Jesus is right there! That's when it clicked. I answered my parents with a few tears streaming down my eyes, "No... Adrienne is the lightbulb; Jesus is my number One." Loving the Lord first is a practical principle for getting the most of one's life and relationship. It's not until the Lord is in His rightful place can we move beyond the first commandment (Love God) and start successfully living out the second - to love someone else. Furthermore, we can only love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

So lets assume you're reading this post and you have a 'potential' in your life. I think the first question you should ask is "Is she Christian? Does she love the Lord?" I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one, if she's not Christian, and you've made the conscious choice to date this individual, you are 1) sinning; 2) telling her Christians that keep sinning is OK; and 3) there are exceptions to the Bible's teachings and they revolve around your self-desires. Sin is like a good sneeze. It feels good coming out, then you get snot everywhere. If you know you're sinning, confess, and stop it. God wants to bless you. But He won't bless your sin.

Trust Him to get you where you need to be - and to help you recover if something does go wrong. Like I stated earlier, I do not have the answers on 'How do you know...' But there are a few practical observations I made myself attune to in determining my 'potential' as my 'number Two'.

• Who does my 'potential' hangout with? Does she spend time with spiritual women? Or does she hang out with crowds of people that could potentially become a negative influence in our relationship?
• Friendship first. Establish the way you'd like to communicate. See one another's characteristic outside of the church setting such as in the home, groups of friends, bars, school, etc.
• Is this person becoming more like Christ?
• Is this person responsible financially, relationally, emotionally, intellectually?
• Are both your attraction towards one another increasing? One huge lesson I learned is that it's not unspiritual to be drawn physically and emotionally to someone. What can I say, God blessed me with a beautiful partner! WOOHOO!!
• Are you two helping each other grow closer to God, rather than drawing each other away from Him?
• Is God central in this relationship?

As I reread this list of things I observe in my partner, some may feel this is tedious or unnecessary. If you read the Bible, the role of the man is to love their wife the way Christ loved the church and died for her. Don't treat your partner seriously only when you are dating. Be serious even in the discerning process of who your Number Two is because how you search reflects who your Number One is.