Past, Present, Shaped

At church on Sunday, I was asked to share my past/present view of 'serving' and how the ministries at my church (Scarborough Community Alliance Church) shaped my walk.

Whenever I think about "serving", I am reminded of a meet I had with my discipleship group. The concept we were discussing was "Servanthood" and how they'd feel if they were a servant. One of my disciples responded saying: "give me a gun and I'll kill myself!" He expressed that being a servant meant low pay, exploitation, and zero freedom. I then asked him, what if your master was perfect? His response changed...

My past view of serving was quite similar to my disciple's. I used to believe that 'serving' meant we are to serve people, church, and fellowships. Don't get me wrong, serving in these areas is a good thing! But if it's your only focus, you will experience burnout and guilt. Furthermore, I realized that over time I was simply serving myself. Example, I used to believe that serving was an obligation. If you don't serve, you will experience guilt. To disallow myself to feel that guilt, I served! HA - SELFISH. I was also good at encouraging people. As I kept giving and giving, I became more empty and dry. Burnout...

My present view of serving is to serve God. It's not until our Lord is in His rightful first place in my life am I able to move beyond the first commandment of loving Him and successfully live out the second greatest commandment of loving [serving] others. Weird... how did I even get to this point in my life? All I remember is that all my sins were laid before me (in 2009) and the feeling I felt was immense brokenness and disgust. However, 'grace' covered me and it was then that I experienced freedom.

Imagine this... I know that some people feel that they need to spend their entire life paying off their mortgage. That feeling must be devastating and hopeless. One of your friends give you $5, and another paid your entire mortgage off and gave you enough money to live sufficiently after. To the first friend, you'd probably take them out for dinner to express your appreciation to them. To the latter, you'll spend your entire life responding to your inner love and appreciation for them.

My hands were involved in situations that bruised and scared many people; my feet brought me and others into many dark places; and my mouth spoke so many discouraging comments to people where I probably I destroyed not only their self esteem, but also their identity. To know that someone paid for my penalties honestly causes me to respond. It'll be inhuman and STUPID to not respond. My body is no longer used to serve myself or others. It's God's. Serving is no longer an obligation - it's a privilege. I no longer serve for my salvation; I serve from salvation.

Five ministries at SCommAC have Shaped my faith walk:

1. More Than Conquerers: This is my small group fellowship. It is a place that allows me to bridge biblical concepts into my daily life. Not only so, it is a platform for me to ask questions such as what does Amen mean? What does Doxology mean? What does being a Man after God's heart mean?
2. Worship Team: Being a part of Dave's team, I realized that the worship team does not point the congregation to the proceeding message or speaker. The worship team's role is to point the congregation to God. As we sing, we sing of His character. Not about the message or speaker.
3. Junior High school Ministry: It was evidential what these youths needed. They needed to experience Jesus. But how could us counselors position them? For whatever reason, we told them to create community and for them to realize the importance of community (i.e. their fellowship). But how? We began to encourage them to just love one another and as they did, by God's grace, community began to form. From this ministry, what I learned was that you don't love community and expect community to form. You love people, and community will form.
4. Ministry of Presence: The pastors at SCommAC reminds me of Batman's Butler, Alfred. Anytime we're confused, broken, shattered, and discouraged, our Pastors are always there. Despite what we do, they are there for us. With all my past craziness, their simple presence spoke a huge message of love in my life.
5. Mentorship: my mentor has definitely introduced me into a new world of being more rational/logical as supposed to emotional. Without a proper balance, I will destroy myself. Furthermore, he has showed me that we fellowship and meet with one another not only when times are good and joyful. We are still there supporting one another even during those discouraging and lonely times.

Since it's thanksgiving soon, the one thing I am thankful for is the community at church. Despite my past, their acceptance of who I am has inspired me to continue to run this race despite how difficult it may be at times. I am a sinner. But when the people you are surrounded with focuses on your potentials and giftings as supposed to your shortcomings, the cultivation of one's gifts begin.