Redemption

I just came home from a dinner with Adrienne's family. Prior to that, we were at a conference called Fluid Gathering. My act of service at this conference was to worship in dance - breakdance.

I find it incredible how Satan can mess up our perceptions on what is beautiful (i.e. children, dancing, drums, marriage) and tempt humanity to use or view it as evil. It is also insane to see how Christians agree that these created things are 'evil' and thus demonize such beautiful creations.

From my youtube trailer, I noted at the end of the video that my career started from 2006 and ended in 2009. When I had stopped dancing, I literally demonized the art. I thought all dancers were screwed and steered towards hell. However, from 2009 to 2012, God has done some pretty crazy heart surgery in me. People have prophesied over me saying that I will go back in to dancing eventually but with a new heart. Brothers and sisters have exhorted me and encouraged me to recognize the talent that the Lord had blessed me with. Others have even rebuked me saying that I am not a good steward of what God had blessed me with. Overall, I feel like Moses where he had left Egypt, encountered God, and is now called to go back to Egypt.

I still ponder over a question my brother had asked: "if Floodgatez stopped dancing in 2009, then what are you now?" A 'floodgate' is essentially a gate that admits or restrains a powerful outpour or flood. The old Floodgate was a poor regulator of his own energy and emotions. I had hurt many people including my family, friends, and church. But the old is dead. From Malachi 3:10, whomever I come across with, I would like them to experience an opening of Heaven's floodgates and receive an outpour of blessings. God has redeemed what was tainted back to Himself. The new Floodgatez begins from 2009 until eternity. Thus, it will no longer be 'evil', but beautiful.

CLIU - Freedom in Christ challenge

So I sent an email challenging my small group with my thoughts from yesterday's small group bible study on Colossians 2:6-23. In brief, I challenged the group with the closing summary our small group leader (Karen) stated. She eloquently closed by saying the title of the passage - "Freedom From Human Regulations Through life with Christ". My challenge to our small group is to first and foremost grasp the meaning and application of living a life WITH CHRIST. Do not focus solely on the 'freedom from human regulations'. Freedom will follow if our lives are with Him.

Here are some questions I asked them to consider and ponder over:

• Are we a people that yearns for freedom more so than a relationship with Jesus? Does a relationship with Jesus equate to the absence of freedom?
• Some interpret 'human regulations' as going to church, going to small group, attending church festivities, attending fellowship, etc. If this is the case, has freedom from human regulations become an excuse for some of us (example: I am free in Christ therefore I do not need to attend small group)? I agree, we aren't supposed to be like Asian pharisees that come to every church event. But if you are not right with the Lord, would you not want to attend these church events?!

When our group split into men and women, my prayer is that our small group would be a place where boys become men. That the men would begin to lead and care for the hearts of our sisters and our partners. My hope is to see lives within the small group transform. The harvest is ready...

Stewardship - my physical body

I don't usually lent, but I am going to fast from any food that could 'harm' my body more excessively than normal. I know ALL food given in extreme portions could cause a lot of bodily harm. So I am going to focus more so on fast-food, excessive meat, chips, candies, excessive alcohol, and soda. I know that's a lot, but I realized how obsessed I have become with food. In the end, I want to be a good steward with the body the Lord has given me. I need to care for it not only spiritually, but physically as well. I think that I have been focusing so much on caring for my 'spiritual life' that I absolutely neglected my physical. Nothing too fancy or 'spiritual' about this. I am simply going to start exercising more often, eat carefully, and sleep better.

Regulating Health and Safety vs Sin

I have always questioned why I am pursuing a degree in Science. I always loved Psychology and Sociology. I love discovering why people do what they do, or how culture shapes our behaviours. Never would I imagine pursuing a degree in science enrolled in the program of Occupational Health and Safety (OHS). In brief, my field of study researches, regulates and controls a company's Health and Safety culture. Long story short, I essentially do what Homer Simpson does (excluding the donuts and beer)!

As I was studying, the more I began to recognize a connection between OHS and sin. Before regulating a company's health and safety, the safety inspector would research/calculate workers risks of exposure to hazards. These hazards include chemical, biological, radiation, physical. 'Risks' include forms of cancer, but can extend to other toxicological outcomes and reproductive disorders. The calculation of risk is therefore performed as a risk of [cancer/death/reproductive-disorders] occurring within the lifetime of the individual(s). Secondly, the inspector would perform a risk assessment. A risk assessment essentially discovers the magnitude of the effect of the exposure (i.e. cancer, death, acute, chronic, disability). Lastly, risk management is the development of ways to regulate internal, public and environmental exposure.

As disciples of Jesus, we also need to do our research, assessment, and management. Exposure to certain social mediums such as music videos, social icons, celebrities (even Christian ones), fast-food, alcohol, rock music, rap music, shopping, bars, etc are not necessarily 'evil' or 'sinful'. But to some, exposure to these may lead to serious effects. I am a dude, and I recognize my weaknesses when I am exposed to certain things. For example, I used to disallow myself to hold my girlfriend because I was aroused by her physical touch. Overtime, I realized that what I thought was righteous and pure, literally became the opposite - pharisitical and demonized. I absolutely failed to recognize God's redeeming grace over ALL things in my life - past, present and future.

As disciples, we also need to assess the cost of exposure to certain social mediums. We already know that the wages of sin is death. If you know that exposure to [for example] social icons, alcohol or shopping would lead you into sin, don't even 'test' yourself.

Lastly, managing the risk of exposure could be explained simply or it could be hard. The simple explanation is 'put on Christ' and you'll be fine. Follow His Spirit and do not satisfy the cravings of your inner desires. LOL But it's the 'how' that causes us to stumble. In OHS, all accidents are caused by a source, but most accidents are not caused directly by the source. From the source to the point of employee contact, there is a path that acts as a transport medium (i.e. air ventilation, absorption, slip, trip and falls). To manage a worker's safety, the inspector would create barriers along the path so that the risk of employee contact is decreased. From personal experience in my spiritual quest, my barriers that decreases my risk of exposure are:

• Stick to a solid system of spiritual men that is willing to care for your soul
• Dig deep into His Word and let that be your foundation. Do not be afraid to ask questions
• Submit to the authority of scripture and quit debating over foolish things such as is it right to date a non-Christian; is it OK to have premarital sex; does God really disallow homosexuality? The last time I heard these questions was in Genesis 3 (i.e. "did God really say you will die?").
• Pray, pray, pray, pray

We are obviously imperfect beings in need of a continual relationship with Jesus. If we fall, confess and disallow your sins to harden your heart from God's Spirit. By no means am I demonizing all things and encouraging all disciples to cut themselves off from social mediums. I simply recognize that we all need to regulate the health and safety of our new heart.

Kingdom Advancement

Kingdom advancement has been something both Adrienne and I have been discussing lately. The concept seems so loosely used. To be honest, I'm still thinking about what this means or how it looks.

I was reading Exodus 3 and 4 today during my devotional time. I have read 3:7-10 many times in my upbringing, but reading it this time, God's expression and promises popped straight out of the pages. The Lord said to Moses that He has seen the people's misery, heard their cry, and is concerned about their suffering. As a result, He has come down to rescue and bring them up. And now, He sends you (Moses). Is that not insane? That God sees, hears, and is concerned; that He comes down to bring us up; that He sends us to free others. These descriptions of His reactions to our suffering is such a powerful promise of His love and pursuit after us.

Moses responded generally the same way most Christians would respond: Who am I that I should go? What if they question who sent me? What if they do not believe me or listen to me? I have never been eloquent in speech and tongue. Send someone else. I'm just surprised God didn't smite him for being so naive and cowardly. But again, these are responses most of us Christians would say too if God were to call us out of our comfort zone.

This snippet of God calling Moses out revealed to me that Kingdom advancement is somewhat similar to this. I believe that God calls people to align with Holy Spirit to bring Heaven down to earth. What that means is ushering people into godly community to experience God's presence, justice, healing, reign, peace and love. Literally, it is reconciling all things back to God so that life may experience life as it was intended to be back in the day of creation (Genesis 1-2).

What is the current state of the church (His bride)? How am I advancing His kingdom? How are Christians... screw this word... disciples advancing His kingdom? Advancing is a forward movement. If we are sitting on our butts because we're lazy, stupid, or cowardly, then we're simply pulling a Moses. Ha... typical.

Church and Community

Church is:

• A community of God's people
• The body of Christ
• People joined by Holy Spirit
• A place where worship exists

That's all I can think of at the moment. For the past few years, I have been bugging my brother, Bernard, about this concept of Church. What is church? What is community? How does this look like? I don't get it... I have been attending church for years now, but 'church' does not look like what I discussed above. Perhaps it's just me and my thirst for more. I feel so dissatisfied with what church seems to be. I love my church and the people in it (even those I rarely talk to). But why do I still feel so restless?

Perhaps I have become so familiar with how to 'do church' that I'm losing my familiarity with Jesus within the church. I want to accept the challenges in scriptures and experience God through loving others. Reminds me of something Bonhoeffer said: "The Church is the Church only when it exists for others." We gotta stop being so inwardly focused such as creating programs that comforts the congregation to stay or attracts people to come. If the Gospel is truly central in our lives, should we not be comforting and attractive? When we outreach to people outside of the church, we don't bring them to the church... we bring them to God. The church is simply a place where they may encounter His presence. I recognize that programs, events and outreaches are effective ministry tools. But the focus of Church cannot be on generating programs only. It should be focused on generating disciples.

If the church is truly a place where die-hard disciples exist, then why are we not a community of God's people that incarnate the body of Christ, joined by one Spirit, worshipping in Spirit and truth?

Hidden expectations

We do not choose whether we want to be pastors or not - God does. Seminary does not create pastors - the church does. Seminary is not responsible in my walk with the Lord - I am.

It is so incredible how I had placed hidden expectations on seminary. I used to believe that upon acceptance, my walk with the Lord will be amplified and deepened because of my environment and peers. It may be true! But my relationship with God is my own responsibility.

I know far too many people who enter into seminary because they thought that seminary would deepen their faith. Others had nothing better to do. Some just went because they thought being a pastor is 'cool.' Dang it... Seriously?! Being a pastor is the most toughest job (quoted by my mom). You care and tend the souls of so many. You are constantly praying and fasting before decisions are made. You are ridiculed, respected, judged, loved, persecuted and cared for all at the same time. Your finances, security, and comfort all decrease. You WILL encounter suffering. Wow, imagine entering seminary with a hidden expectation that your walk would be better. How disappointed I would have been!

But regardless of the tsunami of feelings of becoming a pastor, there is still joy, peace, hope, and excitement. The calling and the journey of becoming a pastor is not decided by me (or anyone). My decision is whether I would respond to Him calling me to enter into full time ministry.

Note (edited 2/24/12 @ 4:10): A brother of mine reminded me that all of us Christians are already in 'full-time' ministry. I agree. We can't be part-time ministers of Christ. We might not do it as a 'career', but our lives is already a ministry that reflects God's grace and mercy. I do not deny the fact that seminary could in fact sharpen one's walk with the Lord. Currently, my wrestle isn't so much 'should I go to seminary?' It's more so 'which seminary should I go to?'

Take responsibility to your calling

"You are not responsible for the church. You are responsible to your calling."

These words were said to me today as I shared with my friend about the things I was currently wrestling with. It's so hard to know/discern when is the right time to hang up our towel and step away from the places we have been so accustomed to for years. When do people step down from their current roles, and step up elsewhere? Mind you, I do not believe that people step down and stay down. I believe that stepping down in any ministry is simply an opening opportunity to step up elsewhere. But 'when' do you know?

I think it becomes dangerous when we stay where we are because we believe that we are a functional savior in our ministries, relationships, or even church. Scary thing is that sometimes, we do not know we view ourselves in such a self-righteous way. What makes us think that God possibly needs us to complete His will? If He wants it done, He'll have it done regardless. We just need to rejoice that we get to join Him.

When God called Jonah to go to Ninevah, Jonah ran. Through a series of events, Jonah eventually fulfilled his calling but became frustrated at God's compassion over Ninevah. See, from this story, all Jonah was responsible for was His calling. If more was required of Jonah, God would have called him out on it. By no means am I encouraging people (or myself) to slack and just do 'enough' or the bare 'minimum.' I recognize that God deserves our all and our best. In the end, we need to do our part and trust God with the rest.

Testimony

I'm currently in the process of writing my testimony and it's super difficult.

Fave Bible Study

Today's bible study in our youth fellowship came from the book of John 8:31-41. It was honestly an eye opening study - I saw hope in these youths...

In the beginning, it was hard engaging the youths. They were distracted or completely zoned out. But by God's grace, we had an amazing time studying His word. Some of their simple observations were:

• If we listen and study His words we are His disciple
• The truth will set you free
• Jesus is the truth
• Everyone is a slave to sin
• Pharisee's contradicted themselves
• Fools are closed minded, do not listen, and do not care about the truth

At this point of the study, their heads blew up and Holy Spirit totally permeated into their stone hearts. One kid cried out, "I can't believe I understand the Bible!" ... Interesting...

The summary of their observations was that fools do not listen or care about truth (essentially Jesus) which leads to freedom. Therefore, some are not free because they are still slaves to sin and the wages of sin is death. A slave simply cannot will themselves to become free. This is why we need Christ.

It was very encouraging seeing the holy excitement in these youths.

Go back to Egypt cont...

Adrienne and I were talking about this last night. The focus isn't so much on going back to Egypt, but going to the promise land :)

Go back to Egypt

I tried practicing breakdancing today and I epically failed. It's honestly saddening. My belly acts as an additional gravitational pull, and my fat disallows me to suspend in the air. I kept asking Adrienne, 'Why am I doing this? Am I really gonna dance at Fluid?' My hands were clammy; my heart was racing; and my mind was all over the place. Breakdancing... a life I had left in November 2009. Could God really be calling me back into this? ...I wonder if this is how Moses felt when God told him to go back to Egypt.

The story of Moses always intrigued me. His utter dependence on God simply made him the most humble man on earth. His wandering in the desert made him the perfect candidate to lead those who are suffering out of their deserts. His fear of the Lord made him wise. His shepherd's heart made the Israelite's stubbornness tolerable. Am I to also go back to 'Egypt?'

Oh God... if this is truly Your calling, equip and enable me...

Fight on

Heres an old Chinese story my crew member shared with me (Aladar):

The country is at war and they are attacking. The soldiers docked and the general ordered them to burn all their docked boats. They were puzzled and asked what if they want to retreat? The general said, "If you want to live, then take the city. There's only one way to go which is forward." The troops were pumped and all that was in their mind was to charge forward because they couldn't turn back. In the end, they owned the enemy and took the city.

You are still young. You have nothing to lose, so just charge forward and go for it. If it really fails, it's not to late to try something else. I believe u have the ability to attain what u want man. Gabe don't believe in yourself, but believe in me that believes in you that believes in me that believes in everyone that believes in you. LOL Fight on.

Never doubt yourself.

It's crazy how the enemy can tempt us to doubt ourselves. A few things the enemy seems to attack frequently are our family and our relationships. But go figures, these are the two areas closest to our Father's heart. What Aladar said was such a heavy reminder of the soldiers I am leading. It is such a strong reminder that I love because the Father first loved me. It's insane how as humans, we sometimes want to revert back to our old-self. Perhaps the reason why we feel useless, fearful, and ineffective to move forward is because we still have our old 'flesh' docked on shore. Didn't Jesus and Paul preach to us that we need to die to our flesh and be born again? Burn those boats and quit looking back! CHAAAAAARRRRRGGEE

Hold up... Before anyone charges, keep in mind, I'm not saying that one's success is dependent on their own efforts. Our dependence is on His Spirit and by us abiding in Him. In so doing, fruit will bear (I think that's in John 14 or 15). But in order for us to bear fruit requires a crucifixion of our old flesh (those boats docked on shore). The crucified life must occur in order for their to be a transformed life, then the obedient life.

Confession, Grace, and Choices

Something I've been wrestling with this week is 'confession' and ' choices'. One of my beloved disciples was concerned of the next chapter in his life - the life of university. Where to go? What to study? Future career? Is this God honoring? Am I prideful if I choose medicine/law? How can I discern if I am choosing because God convicted me or I want to do what my friends are doing? First off, I am super excited at the fact that he's prayerfully thinking through this as supposed to 'going with the flow'. Second these are all legitimate concerns! Thirdly, I'm gonna talk about my wrestle with confession first :)

I think a huge, and honest reason, why we need to confess is that we're sinners. Yes, I understand that we are made new, but god is still perfecting us (Philippians 1). So what was 'made new' then? Why are we still mucking around in sin if we're made new?! What's new is our heart. We once had a heart of stone that was hardened from feeling the convictions from Holy Spirit. But our new heart is one that is alive and is able to respond and recognize the need for complete dependence in Him. This is truly an act of grace. It's such a blessed reminder that grace does not only save me, but it also transforms me NOW. Once we stop confessing, we claim a few things:

1. We are perfect and do not need God. We have become our own savior. This could be due to our pride that disallows us to recognize our need to depend on Christ.
2. That we're calling god a lier. He says we are sinners, us not confessing simply says, 'nope, we are sinless'.

So how do we know we are subjected to these deceptions? Simple, you postpone your confessions. Overall, confession heals your relationship with others, heals you, and heals your relationship with god (James 5, 1 John 1).

I understand how sometimes we just feel guilty and tired of confessing the same sin over and over. When these feelings occur, I sometimes feel as if I have cheapened the blood of Christ that washes away all of our sins. But here’s the tricky weird part: I think we 'should' feel guilty sometimes, because sometimes we just ARE guilty of sin. That guilt is probably there because of many reasons. One in particular is unconfessed sins. Overall, complacency as Christians is a real danger. Complacency simply means not doing what god tells/convicts us to do which could be confessing our sins and surrendering the poop in our lives.

See, going back to my first part discussing about grace, if grace truly is taken for its complete worth and affect, change will occur. We will 'naturally' respond! But this truth is confusing! If we respond to grace, how about responding to guilt? The tragic truth in us humans is that we naturally take grace for granted. Without knowing, we sometimes cheapen grace without completely knowing it. Another tragedy is that constant guilt causes us to ignore our convictions. Isn't that crazy?! How we may potentially disregard our convictions AND guilt. See, if we are indeed sinning, we need the Lord to help us change. This is the new heart - a heart that yearns to be aligned and transformed into His which requires confession - a crucifixion of our old man. I guess the concern is, in times where guilt surfaces, what do we do? In times where Holy Spirit convicts us, how do we respond?

So where should my disciple go next in life? What should our youths pursue? Deciding on where to go next in life is normal. The vast amount of options should not, however, disable them to move. If you stand right with God, He will give you the desires of your heart and what you choose is what He wants to give to you. So whether your study endeavors is medicine, business, or ministry, etc...if your heart is for Him, what you choose will be good. Firstly, I think one should ask themselves if the Lord is sitting in the throne of their life. Example, how is your relationship with Jesus? Are you the boss? or He is? Areas to look out for to understand the vitality of your relationship with Christ is your prayer life, community life, devotional life, etc. Secondly, what excites you and inspires you? Where do you think you are most effective and stretched? Where can you be challenged the greatest? Perhaps this season of choices is for them to discover where they could be challenged, stirred, and inspired!

Even as I write this, I am challenging myself with the same questions. This is my last semester before I graduate with my first undergraduate degree. Where do I go next?! Masters of Divinity? Work? MIssions? Get married?! In the end, we're all going through these kinds of decision-making journeys together with our kids. The beauty isn't being a guru in decision-making for them, but traveling together with them and experience the transforming grace of Christ together.

One Shot

Eminem - Lose Yourself

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment

Would you capture it, or just let it slip? Yo...

One of my disciples was talking to me about how he feels as if he's missed or he's blown so many opportunities in his life to become successful. Without a doubt, anguish and frustration was on the surface of his voice. Immediately, I thought of Rabbit - aka Eminem.

The thing with Rabbit is that he had many 'chances.' Furthermore, the issue was whether or not he wanted to take these chances or not. See, we all say we'll take it if it's offered to us. But when it's offered, we feel like we don't deserve it; we choke and begin to devalue ourselves. On the contrary, when we do have it, whenever something like suffering occurs, we give up and call it quits.

We always wait for a 'chance.' But even if we're already in or given that chance, we sometimes get scared and quit. As a result, we loss the chance... again. 'Waiting' for the opportunity doesn't entail doing nothing. During this waiting period, strengthen yourself right now so that you can 'stay' when the chance is given.

CLIU - Christ Lives in Us

I felt so weird today catching myself wanting to increase in certain things such as love, or wisdom. The more I thought of it, the more I realized I was asking God for an individual package deal. When in reality, the package is Jesus Christ. As we sit in him, all that we desire comes to be. Holy spirit produces what is of Christ in me which entails love, wisdom, righteousness, peace, compassion, etc. It's not pick and choose. There's only one complete package. However, we cannot live outwardly until we allow god to instill Christ in us.

CLIU - an acronym my small group adopted as "Christ lives in us." I was meditating on this and the more I focused in on this, the more I asked what does that even entail? It's a bold and important statement; but rarely understood. It's a need; but usually the least prioritized. It's an opportunity for comfort; but yet the most feared choice. Why? It's weird... but understandable. As I began to meditate more on the character of Christ, I became more and more drawn to how it is no longer I, but him in me; in us. His love, grace, humility and compassion... all of it, in me. Christ's love IS IN ME! Christ's humility in me. His wisdom, joy, faith... All of it! Christ doesnt only live in me, his life is now me. That little 'm' me is now a big 'M' Me because He reigns supreme in Me! Hallelujah! I am now holy, pure and blameless not because of what I can do or will do, but because of what he's done. See, it's not stupid for me to ask for more love or more grace or more humility. But would it not be greater to ask for more of Him?! God doesn't send down packages for us to open and receive. He gave us his son so that we may have it all. That His son in me is enough. He is my sufficiency. He is all I want and need.

Adventure or Quest?

So my other half shared her vision for our fellowship for 2012 on Wednesday night. To close off the night, she asked our fellowship if our pursuit for God was an adventure or a quest? The overall difference between an adventure and a quest is that in a quest, you never come back the same. She used the example of the hobbits in Lord of the Rings and how after their quest, they went back to the shire no longer the same. On this quest, what am I hungry for? What do I envision? What do I desire to develop?

What am I hungry for? I am hungering an encounter with the Lord and His love for me. I want to experience Him in fresh new ways. I want to let Him place a robe, a ring, and sandals on me. I want to feast with the Father and celebrate with Him.

What do I envision? I envision being surrounded by an army of prayer warriors. I envision Holy Spirit moving across Toronto and completely reviving it.

What do I desire to develop? I want to develop a character that is like His. I want to be a man after His own heart. I want to be grounded in His God-breathed-Words. I want to submit to the authority of scriptures and to pray in it and with it. I want to develop the gift of prophecy.

Job and future

I'm in class right now. I'm currently finishing up my last semester at Ryerson University, and I am honestly more scared than excited. As I am approaching this finish line, all my broken conceptions of the 'future' and 'self-worth' is starting to surface. It's messed up how my culture or upbringing connects worth with one's future career. Sigh... as I am applying for work, I'm pretty scared and uncertain of how my future will unfold. It's difficult sometimes to see how other people have 'things together' while I am just realizing 'how' to have things together.

Today, I am reminding myself that my worth is not generated by the world. Back to paying attention to my prof...

Choices choices choices

It's been a while since I posted. It's been a while since I meditated on anything. It's been a while since I ate a salad (or anything green and healthy). It's been a while since I cleaned my toilet and room. It's been a while since I worked out. It's just been a while...

The reason why its been a while since I did anything I want to do is a matter of the choices I make that expresses my inner heart. I randomly asked SIRI on my Iphone 'How many choices does a person make in a day?' And she (or it... lol) brings me to this web search. Someone on a forum wrote: "There are over 1000 minutes in the average working day. At five decisions a minute, a person makes easily 5000 decisions a day. Few are earth-shaking, but all are the results of choices."

How about the choice of choosing God or the Devil? See, the messed up thing isn't the choice. The messed up thing is that some of us think we actually have a choice. My none-Jesus-lover friends think that as long as they choose neither God or the Devil, they're good. See, they don't have to choose the devil... they belong to him already.

What I am meditating on today is 'not my will, but His will be done.'

Fast and Furious

Note: this post has NOTHING to do with the movie. lol

My family and Derek (who's pretty much a part of my family) went on a trip to Niagara Falls. My sister, Derek and I were looking for some desert on Clifton Hill. We walked by an individual asking for money (I don't want to label him 'homeless' cause that's just an automatic assumption) and noticed that the guy had no legs, and his only form of mobility was his wheel chair. At the desert place, Derek came up to me and asked if it was OK if he gave that guy our take-out food from TGI Friday. Mind you, we had ribs, fries and a salad in that take-out box! Furthermore, we were STILL HUNGRY! I encouraged Derek to follow his convictions and he then ran across the road and disappeared around the corner with the box of food in hand. He came back a minute later and expressed to me this strange joy that flooded through him. We were no longer hungry.

This incident reminded me of the biblical practice of 'fasting.' I remember believing that 'fasting' was simply the abstinence of food. It IS that, but MORE! Fasting isn't only abstaining from food, it's also about being fed continually by the bread of life - His Word! I can't explain this phenomenon, but the last time I fasted, I abstained from food for an entire week. However, I was utterly full and dependent on meditating on His Word and prayer. It's crazy, the more we eat in this world, the fuller we get. But the more we eat of His words, the more hungrier we get. And believe me, the Lord does not allow us to grow hungry if we are truly hungering for His Words.

Thinking back to Derek's incident, his simple hunger to accept the challenges of scripture only lead him to express a furious love that this world rarely encounters. My hope is that as my disciples bask into the Father's Words, they become beacons of His furious love for the community around us.

Slow traffic keep left

As I merged onto the passing lane on the highway, I found myself going at 90 km/h behind a car. There were no cars in front of this car and all the other cars in the middle and slow lane were going at the same speed! My patience was totally being tested, and these were my thoughts (lol):

In our 'spiritual highway', there SEEMS to be three lanes (when there's really only two). A slow lane for those Christians that just want to live the life. These are the ones that have no sense of urgency or excitement to reach the destination. These are the Christians that feel as though they have all the time in the world.

The middle lane are for those Christians we call 'lukewarm.' They want to ensure that they can choose either lane whenever they want - to pass or not to pass! These are the Christians that are indecisive or too scared to accelerate to their destination. They realize they should drive faster, but they don't want to go all in.

The fast lane are those Christians we label as 'radical'. These are the Christians that are full out; all for Jesus, Christians. They are the ones that seem to always be in the hurry and they're always up and about with our Father's business. These are the Christians that probably struggle with the concept of 'rest' or 'sabbath' because they're always in a hurry.

When I drove behind that car, I was pretty frustrated. I felt as if this slow driver represented those Christians that slow us down in our kingdom labor. How dare they stand between me and my Father's business! Bahaha...!!

LOL... When I got to my destination, I realized how I just compromised my impatience. It was interesting how easy it was to make my impatience seem 'OK.' Obviously it isn't OK. I just thought it was interesting how I referenced it to a Christian's journey with Christ. The Gospel tells us to love those of low positions, and to consider others better than ourselves. Gosh... Jesus even told us to SERVE THEM -_-" In Romans 12:16, it says "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position (even slow drivers. Do not be conceited."

LOL ... Adrienne and I just found it funny how I tried making sense of my frustration with the slow driver on the passing lane in front of me!

Pause before the new year

For whatever reason, I've been feeling convicted about the relationship between a [spiritual] race and mentorship. What does 'rest' look like? How are my disciples running? When I ponder over 'how they are running', I am not wondering how many ministries are they serving in or how often do they go to church or how "spiritual" do they sound? I'm essentially praying over their spiritual stamina, fitness, and ability in the race marked out for them.

I was talking to my girlfriend about my thoughts and it's just beautiful how she allows our Father's heart to pour into mine. Through conversations and prayer, I felt convicted to hold off meeting with my mentees until 2012. I believe the remainder of this 2011 year should be spent in prayer. Some of these guys just need to 'rest' and to be 'prayerful'. If a mentor produces disciples that do not pray and does not rest, then there's a problem! LOL I'm essentially creating machines. And if disciples do not pray... are they really disciples?

Furthermore, why is it that my guys could abstain from a majority of all the ten commandments except one - "keep the sabbath day Holy." Now, I am not bashing on my guys. I too fall short in resting! To be renewed, one needs to rest; and renewal is a daily thing. You don't pray, read the bible, talk godly, or have fellowship once every two weeks at mentorship. It has to be a daily exercise (keeping in line with increasing our spiritual stamina and workout). Some people think that 'resting' means to sit as a spectator in a race; others think that rest means to slow down in the race. I read this passage in Hebrews 12:1 yesterday in small group. It says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." The goal is Christ. To run is Christ. To die is to gain. The moment we feel like sitting as a spectator is the moment the enemy has won. The moment we feel like slowing down is the moment we loss our sense of eagerness with the Lord. So no... resting is not slowing down or sitting aside in the race marked out for us. Resting allows us to focus clearer at the end goal as He graciously imparts His mysterious will, compassion, power and vision upon us. Resting allows us to taste a piece of His heart for us! Wow - isn't that amazing?! Now wouldn't that make us want to run supernaturally faster?! As we rest, we receive His great love for us as supposed to be working so hard that we forget to receive. Rest isn't a physical thing where we do nothing or stop running. Sabbath is a sabbath of the heart.

So the group is just going to do our own thing, and if that means hanging out with one another - kekeke - COOL! And if that means hanging out without talking about Jesus, so be it. But to be honest, my favorite conversational topic is about Jesus. But I am opened to essentially anything :p Perhaps the rest of this month could be used to build what we might have lost focus on - to build relationships with one another. Now, taking a break from mentorship does not mean we're doing nothing. I said go be prayerful. Honestly, if we can't even be prayerful when we DON'T meet, how are we trusting God in any of this? So for the next few weeks where me and the guys hang out, we probably won't be doing what we usually do. We'll probably just hang out and just pray.

Overall, prayer expresses the vitality of a disciple. My hope is that we may be more prayerful and less conversational with one another. Coming together to share our life issues and struggles is an awesome and well needed thing. In the end, we need to recognize that our life issues should not be submitted to one another, but to God.

Part 1 - the Nerd

http://vimeo.com/33261203

The crew was bored and so we decided to make a random video. On January 22, 2007, (in order of appearance) Derek, Anton, Heat, and Jeremy, decided to create a comedic video series of how an invincible bully 'became' a bully.

This is Part 1. The protagonist (the giddy nerd) came to school to find himself being bullied by three high school jocks. To their surprise, the nerd utilized their 'method' of bullying against them! In later series, we will show how this victory actually destroyed the innocence from this nerd as he himself became the invincible bully.

Generally, we experience the same thing in life - 'we do to others what others have done to us.' The video is not supposed to encourage school bullying, but to make us aware that our actions has great effects that may or may not affect us in the future.

Videography: Gabe
Songs: riding dirty and i'm yours

I Will Rise

I Will Rise - Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

Haven't been feeling like myself lately. Bombarded with school, thoughts, desires, and financial issues. The heaviness on my heart just keeps increasing and increasing. I feel as though the scabs on my [spiritual] body I thought were considered healed are currently being picked at by God. I just feel Him peeling up the scabs and gently dabbing the wound with disinfectant. I guess my old wounds haven't healed properly.

This is one of the songs that reassures me of my Fathers love for me. Indeed there is peace as I come to know who He is. Regardless of the storm around me, I will not be abound from side to side because He is my anchor. When He leads me through hardship, it is not so that I may experience harm, but to experience hope. When He disciplines me, it is never to make me feel foolish, but to free me from the consequences of my foolishness. He never acts out of frustration or irritation, but always in love and great affection for me.

This song reminds me of Hebrews 2:14-18 "Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham’s descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

My God is not a god that is distant, but is with me. He is not a God that tells me how to be freed from suffering, but suffered for me so that I may be freed from suffering. He died so that we may live. My God experienced what I experience. He is a relational God - not one that is distant. There are so many things that occurred in my life that I have no idea as to why they had to happen. But in the end, it is such a powerful hope that one day, my faith shall be my eyes. It will no longer be me, but Him. No longer my desires, but His. Not my will, but His will.

Oh Father, mold me and make me to become more and more like You. As You have risen, I too want to rise...

Spider Man vs Pride

A friend of mine (batman), since the first day we met, equated my life to Spiderman. God blessed me with a special ability such as breakdancing. Likewise, Peter Parker was blessed with an ability Uncle Ben labelled as 'power' - with great power comes great responsibility. Similar to Parker, I used my power/ability to serve selfish ambitions. We both needed to loss friends, family, and opportunities to show us our internal demons. Sadly, learning the same things over and over again is the life-story for almost all people. In the Old Testament, after experiencing extreme supernatural events such as passing through the Red Sea, the Israelites began to doubt God three days after the crossing! After experiencing a near death situation where my car spun off the road and into a bus shelter, I obtained no cuts or bruises. The aftermath of the accident was that the entire driver side of the car was completely wedged in, glass was cracked everywhere, the bus sheltered tipped over, and a recycling bin flew into a plaza parking lot. Mind you... I was driving with no seatbelt. But the one thing I do remember is feeling as if I were wearing a seatbelt. Almost like a hand pushing against my chest preventing me from smashing my head against the window. The Israelites forgot God in three days. I forgot Him on the same day *sigh*. The apostle Peter walked alongside with Jesus and heard His teachings on love. Years later, he needed to be rebuked by Paul for his selective love against the Gentiles. I grew up in a Christian family. But I lived my entire life as if I had no family.

From my previous post, I talked briefly of what breakdancing did to my life. In brief, the gifted ability to dance in such a way was clouded by my own 'Venom' called pride. It destroyed parts of my life such as relationships and family. However, in November 2009, after seeing the carnage I did with the lives I was surrounded with, I surrendered to no other than God. I remember telling myself I didn't want to live with the guilt I carried everyday. I was ashamed and disgusted of the sins I had committed before God and people. I guess I found something worse than dying - to die in guilt. Urbana 2009 was my first encounter with the Lord. I saw before me a sea filled with my sins and the blood of my Lord and Savior covered it all. In 2:01 of the Spiderman Trailer, it shows a quick clip of Parker's struggle in peeling off the Venom that kept him enveloped. All this was done as the church bell rang! Here's another clip: bell scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjuEtEjeMSo). The scene reminds me of my struggling decision to be freed from the bondage of my past and flesh by allowing God to take president in my life.

See, it's easy to say "I believe in God." The difficultly I experienced is letting Him "lead" my life. What I did not realize before until now is that if I did not allow Him to lead my life, Venom was.