Mistakes

Being unemployed for the last few months has given me extensive time to reflect on my life. Still, I see the operations of my life as a teeter-toter where on one end, it is so easy to fixate myself on the mistakes I committed. And on the other extreme, I repress them. Fixating on my mistakes causes me to sulk. Repressing them disallows me to function effectively. The more I reflect on how my life has been the last few months, the more I begin to notice the carnality of my flesh. I have complained and become bitter at people. In addition, I have numbed myself and repressed every hurt and frustration I have been feeling. My bitterness and repression has become an indicator of an internal condition of my heart. It's pretty obvious that these two extremes are unhealthy and yet they're the most common ways of handling human issues.

I could not sleep last night until 7AM. The time I had being awake allowed me to recognize that the mistakes I committed were not dead ends nor did they label me as a "failure". My mistakes actually reminded me of my original goal/hope/dream. Yeah, I might have slipped up, but the fact that I feel remorse, guilt or even regret revives the notion that there is something greater. Does this mean that what I did was OK? Absolutely not! It just means that there is hope for reconciliation and healing. If anything, mistakes should propel one forward to realign with their original goal. Not cripple them from it.

So what do I do from here? HAHA... No idea. But as cliche as this may sound, God knows. As I continue to rest in Him, I pray that He may open my blind eyes to see what He has accomplished and is completing in my circumstances so that I may join Him.