Stewardship - my physical body

I don't usually lent, but I am going to fast from any food that could 'harm' my body more excessively than normal. I know ALL food given in extreme portions could cause a lot of bodily harm. So I am going to focus more so on fast-food, excessive meat, chips, candies, excessive alcohol, and soda. I know that's a lot, but I realized how obsessed I have become with food. In the end, I want to be a good steward with the body the Lord has given me. I need to care for it not only spiritually, but physically as well. I think that I have been focusing so much on caring for my 'spiritual life' that I absolutely neglected my physical. Nothing too fancy or 'spiritual' about this. I am simply going to start exercising more often, eat carefully, and sleep better.

Regulating Health and Safety vs Sin

I have always questioned why I am pursuing a degree in Science. I always loved Psychology and Sociology. I love discovering why people do what they do, or how culture shapes our behaviours. Never would I imagine pursuing a degree in science enrolled in the program of Occupational Health and Safety (OHS). In brief, my field of study researches, regulates and controls a company's Health and Safety culture. Long story short, I essentially do what Homer Simpson does (excluding the donuts and beer)!

As I was studying, the more I began to recognize a connection between OHS and sin. Before regulating a company's health and safety, the safety inspector would research/calculate workers risks of exposure to hazards. These hazards include chemical, biological, radiation, physical. 'Risks' include forms of cancer, but can extend to other toxicological outcomes and reproductive disorders. The calculation of risk is therefore performed as a risk of [cancer/death/reproductive-disorders] occurring within the lifetime of the individual(s). Secondly, the inspector would perform a risk assessment. A risk assessment essentially discovers the magnitude of the effect of the exposure (i.e. cancer, death, acute, chronic, disability). Lastly, risk management is the development of ways to regulate internal, public and environmental exposure.

As disciples of Jesus, we also need to do our research, assessment, and management. Exposure to certain social mediums such as music videos, social icons, celebrities (even Christian ones), fast-food, alcohol, rock music, rap music, shopping, bars, etc are not necessarily 'evil' or 'sinful'. But to some, exposure to these may lead to serious effects. I am a dude, and I recognize my weaknesses when I am exposed to certain things. For example, I used to disallow myself to hold my girlfriend because I was aroused by her physical touch. Overtime, I realized that what I thought was righteous and pure, literally became the opposite - pharisitical and demonized. I absolutely failed to recognize God's redeeming grace over ALL things in my life - past, present and future.

As disciples, we also need to assess the cost of exposure to certain social mediums. We already know that the wages of sin is death. If you know that exposure to [for example] social icons, alcohol or shopping would lead you into sin, don't even 'test' yourself.

Lastly, managing the risk of exposure could be explained simply or it could be hard. The simple explanation is 'put on Christ' and you'll be fine. Follow His Spirit and do not satisfy the cravings of your inner desires. LOL But it's the 'how' that causes us to stumble. In OHS, all accidents are caused by a source, but most accidents are not caused directly by the source. From the source to the point of employee contact, there is a path that acts as a transport medium (i.e. air ventilation, absorption, slip, trip and falls). To manage a worker's safety, the inspector would create barriers along the path so that the risk of employee contact is decreased. From personal experience in my spiritual quest, my barriers that decreases my risk of exposure are:

• Stick to a solid system of spiritual men that is willing to care for your soul
• Dig deep into His Word and let that be your foundation. Do not be afraid to ask questions
• Submit to the authority of scripture and quit debating over foolish things such as is it right to date a non-Christian; is it OK to have premarital sex; does God really disallow homosexuality? The last time I heard these questions was in Genesis 3 (i.e. "did God really say you will die?").
• Pray, pray, pray, pray

We are obviously imperfect beings in need of a continual relationship with Jesus. If we fall, confess and disallow your sins to harden your heart from God's Spirit. By no means am I demonizing all things and encouraging all disciples to cut themselves off from social mediums. I simply recognize that we all need to regulate the health and safety of our new heart.

Kingdom Advancement

Kingdom advancement has been something both Adrienne and I have been discussing lately. The concept seems so loosely used. To be honest, I'm still thinking about what this means or how it looks.

I was reading Exodus 3 and 4 today during my devotional time. I have read 3:7-10 many times in my upbringing, but reading it this time, God's expression and promises popped straight out of the pages. The Lord said to Moses that He has seen the people's misery, heard their cry, and is concerned about their suffering. As a result, He has come down to rescue and bring them up. And now, He sends you (Moses). Is that not insane? That God sees, hears, and is concerned; that He comes down to bring us up; that He sends us to free others. These descriptions of His reactions to our suffering is such a powerful promise of His love and pursuit after us.

Moses responded generally the same way most Christians would respond: Who am I that I should go? What if they question who sent me? What if they do not believe me or listen to me? I have never been eloquent in speech and tongue. Send someone else. I'm just surprised God didn't smite him for being so naive and cowardly. But again, these are responses most of us Christians would say too if God were to call us out of our comfort zone.

This snippet of God calling Moses out revealed to me that Kingdom advancement is somewhat similar to this. I believe that God calls people to align with Holy Spirit to bring Heaven down to earth. What that means is ushering people into godly community to experience God's presence, justice, healing, reign, peace and love. Literally, it is reconciling all things back to God so that life may experience life as it was intended to be back in the day of creation (Genesis 1-2).

What is the current state of the church (His bride)? How am I advancing His kingdom? How are Christians... screw this word... disciples advancing His kingdom? Advancing is a forward movement. If we are sitting on our butts because we're lazy, stupid, or cowardly, then we're simply pulling a Moses. Ha... typical.

Church and Community

Church is:

• A community of God's people
• The body of Christ
• People joined by Holy Spirit
• A place where worship exists

That's all I can think of at the moment. For the past few years, I have been bugging my brother, Bernard, about this concept of Church. What is church? What is community? How does this look like? I don't get it... I have been attending church for years now, but 'church' does not look like what I discussed above. Perhaps it's just me and my thirst for more. I feel so dissatisfied with what church seems to be. I love my church and the people in it (even those I rarely talk to). But why do I still feel so restless?

Perhaps I have become so familiar with how to 'do church' that I'm losing my familiarity with Jesus within the church. I want to accept the challenges in scriptures and experience God through loving others. Reminds me of something Bonhoeffer said: "The Church is the Church only when it exists for others." We gotta stop being so inwardly focused such as creating programs that comforts the congregation to stay or attracts people to come. If the Gospel is truly central in our lives, should we not be comforting and attractive? When we outreach to people outside of the church, we don't bring them to the church... we bring them to God. The church is simply a place where they may encounter His presence. I recognize that programs, events and outreaches are effective ministry tools. But the focus of Church cannot be on generating programs only. It should be focused on generating disciples.

If the church is truly a place where die-hard disciples exist, then why are we not a community of God's people that incarnate the body of Christ, joined by one Spirit, worshipping in Spirit and truth?

Hidden expectations

We do not choose whether we want to be pastors or not - God does. Seminary does not create pastors - the church does. Seminary is not responsible in my walk with the Lord - I am.

It is so incredible how I had placed hidden expectations on seminary. I used to believe that upon acceptance, my walk with the Lord will be amplified and deepened because of my environment and peers. It may be true! But my relationship with God is my own responsibility.

I know far too many people who enter into seminary because they thought that seminary would deepen their faith. Others had nothing better to do. Some just went because they thought being a pastor is 'cool.' Dang it... Seriously?! Being a pastor is the most toughest job (quoted by my mom). You care and tend the souls of so many. You are constantly praying and fasting before decisions are made. You are ridiculed, respected, judged, loved, persecuted and cared for all at the same time. Your finances, security, and comfort all decrease. You WILL encounter suffering. Wow, imagine entering seminary with a hidden expectation that your walk would be better. How disappointed I would have been!

But regardless of the tsunami of feelings of becoming a pastor, there is still joy, peace, hope, and excitement. The calling and the journey of becoming a pastor is not decided by me (or anyone). My decision is whether I would respond to Him calling me to enter into full time ministry.

Note (edited 2/24/12 @ 4:10): A brother of mine reminded me that all of us Christians are already in 'full-time' ministry. I agree. We can't be part-time ministers of Christ. We might not do it as a 'career', but our lives is already a ministry that reflects God's grace and mercy. I do not deny the fact that seminary could in fact sharpen one's walk with the Lord. Currently, my wrestle isn't so much 'should I go to seminary?' It's more so 'which seminary should I go to?'

Take responsibility to your calling

"You are not responsible for the church. You are responsible to your calling."

These words were said to me today as I shared with my friend about the things I was currently wrestling with. It's so hard to know/discern when is the right time to hang up our towel and step away from the places we have been so accustomed to for years. When do people step down from their current roles, and step up elsewhere? Mind you, I do not believe that people step down and stay down. I believe that stepping down in any ministry is simply an opening opportunity to step up elsewhere. But 'when' do you know?

I think it becomes dangerous when we stay where we are because we believe that we are a functional savior in our ministries, relationships, or even church. Scary thing is that sometimes, we do not know we view ourselves in such a self-righteous way. What makes us think that God possibly needs us to complete His will? If He wants it done, He'll have it done regardless. We just need to rejoice that we get to join Him.

When God called Jonah to go to Ninevah, Jonah ran. Through a series of events, Jonah eventually fulfilled his calling but became frustrated at God's compassion over Ninevah. See, from this story, all Jonah was responsible for was His calling. If more was required of Jonah, God would have called him out on it. By no means am I encouraging people (or myself) to slack and just do 'enough' or the bare 'minimum.' I recognize that God deserves our all and our best. In the end, we need to do our part and trust God with the rest.

Testimony

I'm currently in the process of writing my testimony and it's super difficult.

Fave Bible Study

Today's bible study in our youth fellowship came from the book of John 8:31-41. It was honestly an eye opening study - I saw hope in these youths...

In the beginning, it was hard engaging the youths. They were distracted or completely zoned out. But by God's grace, we had an amazing time studying His word. Some of their simple observations were:

• If we listen and study His words we are His disciple
• The truth will set you free
• Jesus is the truth
• Everyone is a slave to sin
• Pharisee's contradicted themselves
• Fools are closed minded, do not listen, and do not care about the truth

At this point of the study, their heads blew up and Holy Spirit totally permeated into their stone hearts. One kid cried out, "I can't believe I understand the Bible!" ... Interesting...

The summary of their observations was that fools do not listen or care about truth (essentially Jesus) which leads to freedom. Therefore, some are not free because they are still slaves to sin and the wages of sin is death. A slave simply cannot will themselves to become free. This is why we need Christ.

It was very encouraging seeing the holy excitement in these youths.

Go back to Egypt cont...

Adrienne and I were talking about this last night. The focus isn't so much on going back to Egypt, but going to the promise land :)

Go back to Egypt

I tried practicing breakdancing today and I epically failed. It's honestly saddening. My belly acts as an additional gravitational pull, and my fat disallows me to suspend in the air. I kept asking Adrienne, 'Why am I doing this? Am I really gonna dance at Fluid?' My hands were clammy; my heart was racing; and my mind was all over the place. Breakdancing... a life I had left in November 2009. Could God really be calling me back into this? ...I wonder if this is how Moses felt when God told him to go back to Egypt.

The story of Moses always intrigued me. His utter dependence on God simply made him the most humble man on earth. His wandering in the desert made him the perfect candidate to lead those who are suffering out of their deserts. His fear of the Lord made him wise. His shepherd's heart made the Israelite's stubbornness tolerable. Am I to also go back to 'Egypt?'

Oh God... if this is truly Your calling, equip and enable me...

Fight on

Heres an old Chinese story my crew member shared with me (Aladar):

The country is at war and they are attacking. The soldiers docked and the general ordered them to burn all their docked boats. They were puzzled and asked what if they want to retreat? The general said, "If you want to live, then take the city. There's only one way to go which is forward." The troops were pumped and all that was in their mind was to charge forward because they couldn't turn back. In the end, they owned the enemy and took the city.

You are still young. You have nothing to lose, so just charge forward and go for it. If it really fails, it's not to late to try something else. I believe u have the ability to attain what u want man. Gabe don't believe in yourself, but believe in me that believes in you that believes in me that believes in everyone that believes in you. LOL Fight on.

Never doubt yourself.

It's crazy how the enemy can tempt us to doubt ourselves. A few things the enemy seems to attack frequently are our family and our relationships. But go figures, these are the two areas closest to our Father's heart. What Aladar said was such a heavy reminder of the soldiers I am leading. It is such a strong reminder that I love because the Father first loved me. It's insane how as humans, we sometimes want to revert back to our old-self. Perhaps the reason why we feel useless, fearful, and ineffective to move forward is because we still have our old 'flesh' docked on shore. Didn't Jesus and Paul preach to us that we need to die to our flesh and be born again? Burn those boats and quit looking back! CHAAAAAARRRRRGGEE

Hold up... Before anyone charges, keep in mind, I'm not saying that one's success is dependent on their own efforts. Our dependence is on His Spirit and by us abiding in Him. In so doing, fruit will bear (I think that's in John 14 or 15). But in order for us to bear fruit requires a crucifixion of our old flesh (those boats docked on shore). The crucified life must occur in order for their to be a transformed life, then the obedient life.