[Thoughts from May, 2014]
I really don't know how to start writing. My thoughts are accompanied with various emotions at the moment.
In preparation for our marriage, Michelle and I recognize the importance of certain relationships. It's so strange how distant some have become. We try so hard to love people... but from our wedding preparation, interesting colors surface in relationships.
This leads me to thoughts on strongholds. As we prepare for our marriage, numerous strongholds begin surfacing. I always knew I valued the opinions of people highly. I knew I cared about how others felt or thought of me... Seriously, that's RIDICULOUS.
Why do I care so much about looking Godly? Why do I care so much that others see that I have a relationship with Jesus? In Matthews, Jesus even said that they will get their reward on earth, but not in heaven (Matthew 6). It SUCKS seeing the hypocrisy of my heart.
Another stronghold is comfort. Gosh... we've heard this in so many sermons, so many blogs, so many Facebook posts, and the cliche quote "step out of your comfort zone." Now that I am faced with opportunities entering a new season in my life, I am challenged to let go what I am used to.
... let go.
Writing that feels liberating. It brings me back to the beginning of a disciple's walk with Jesus and the weight of His call to follow Him. It helps me empathize with the disciples when Jesus said "...come and see." It warns me that if I do not let go, I am incapable to receive all that He has for me.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Spiritual detachment
I love writing. But the last few months has been a moment of reflection and self-assessment. Why do I write?
I started to recognize something very unsettling. Writing was no longer personal. It became an activity I used to seek external comfort and praise. I began identifying myself based on the amounts of 'likes', 'comments' or views I received. Even now... writing this is (slightly) difficult.
It sucks looking back at my previous posts from two years ago. Don't get it twisted... God seriously revealed so much of Himself to me during that time. My concern, however, isn't how much God showed me, but what I did with it. My life was a pendulum where I swung from one pole to the other. From being a religion-hating youth that rebelled against God's desire to love me, I became a pride-filled-religious-zealot determined that I had my spiritual path "under control".
I AM a sinner, I have hurt many people, I have an imperfect history, and I probably will continue to fall short from perfection. Although I am physically removed from my shortcomings, I still feel the weight of frustration, anger, sadness, bitterness, and jealousy.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. - Ephesians 6:12
This past Sunday, I was strongly reminded that although I have physically divorced myself from the things in my past, there is a spiritual divorce that is still very much needed. And the only One to deliver me is Jesus Himself. Amen.
I started to recognize something very unsettling. Writing was no longer personal. It became an activity I used to seek external comfort and praise. I began identifying myself based on the amounts of 'likes', 'comments' or views I received. Even now... writing this is (slightly) difficult.
It sucks looking back at my previous posts from two years ago. Don't get it twisted... God seriously revealed so much of Himself to me during that time. My concern, however, isn't how much God showed me, but what I did with it. My life was a pendulum where I swung from one pole to the other. From being a religion-hating youth that rebelled against God's desire to love me, I became a pride-filled-religious-zealot determined that I had my spiritual path "under control".
I AM a sinner, I have hurt many people, I have an imperfect history, and I probably will continue to fall short from perfection. Although I am physically removed from my shortcomings, I still feel the weight of frustration, anger, sadness, bitterness, and jealousy.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. - Ephesians 6:12
This past Sunday, I was strongly reminded that although I have physically divorced myself from the things in my past, there is a spiritual divorce that is still very much needed. And the only One to deliver me is Jesus Himself. Amen.
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