Marital counseling session 1

Premarital counseling ... I always knew I wanted to go through it, but I never anticipated it to be so painfully revealing.

The weeks leading into our first session, I have been actively posting on Facebook the quotes and revelations that have been an encouragement to me. What I thought would encourage others, in one case, turned into an argument. And in another case, I began questioning my own beliefs. How could encouragements turn sour?! My intentions...

If my love and good deeds were done selfishly, any negative response would be received as an attack to the self. What started off as something pure with good intentions became something selfish, tainted and painful. The focus of my actions cannot be for me or for others, but out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21)

Lesson 1: I started the premarital session saying I did not want to give Sunday school answers where "Jesus, grace and God" were the answers to everything. That was my mistake! Although my intentions were to be honest and share the issues of my heart, my inner reality pushed what was vital to my growth aside - God, Jesus, and grace.

Lesson 2: "submission" is one of those terms the world has tainted. In this secular world, especially in developing countries, submission has been used abusively towards women. Who would want to submit to a household tyrant? But what if the master was "perfect?" Submission would not be oppressive, but liberating. Lesson 2 came as I realized my second hidden ambition: I wanted to be perfect for Michelle. I absolutely forgot my Christianity 101... I am a sinner; husbands are sinners. They are never perfect on this side of heaven. Marriage is about two SINNERS coming together. Soak that in... Husbands, you are a sinner. Wives, you are a sinner. Therefore, for a marriage to grow requires humility. How?!?! Look, observe and learn from the life of Jesus. He humbly gave up all authority and submitted Himself to the church even in unjust situations. Jesus Christ loved the church; perfect sinners, and humbly gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5).

I have not loved or lead like Christ would. As a result, submission brought upon fear, insecurity and suffocation. I always knew premarital counseling was something I wanted to go through. But I never anticipated it to be so painfully revealing. In the long haul, I have faith that this will birth the wonders marriage brings to both husband and wife. Just like the gospel which is painful and wonderful at once.