Suffering for Christ

My cute sister says: I enjoyed cleaning away the dust bunnies. It was like washing away my sins.

Cute!!!!!! But I am sure there's worse ways to suffer for Christ than to vacuum... lol

Suffering for Christ

I just got a text from my sister telling me how she vacuumed the entire home. She was also expressing to me how frustrated she is with vacuuming - hahaha. I was super impressed and proud of her. Actually, those feelings are understatements of how I actually felt. The house is usually vacuumed by either my mom or myself (mostly my mom). To be honest, I started vacuuming because I didn't want my mom suffering so much as she's getting old. But the more I did it, the more I began to love vacuuming. It kinda reminded me of 'suffering for Christ.' The more I persevered, the more I began to recognize my mother's heart for her family. Likewise, I could see how to suffer for Christ enables us to take on His heart, encounter His deliverance, and experience what He suffered. In the end, suffering for Christ is better than suffering for nothing.

Where I'm At

It is so easy to say things should not be as rough as they are. It is so easy to say wrestling leads to no where because in the end God reigns. It is so easy to say follow your heart/gut-feeling and yet it is so easy to say your heart is the most evil arena in one's life. Am I pouring out excuses upon excuses. Sometimes, I feel like people assume I am shoveling crap on top of crap so that the original crap won't smell as bad. There's just too many voices around me at the moment that is confusing my decisions and choices. It wasn't an easy decision, but I know it was the right one. I obviously did not administer the decision as well as I could have. I obviously hurt a lot of people. But just cause I made the decision does not equate to me not being hurt. In the end, I recognize that there are too many issues within myself and I simply need to be alone. Some say I am not a man. I'm probably not - which makes it more of an issue for me to drag on a relationship.

After praying and seeking forgiveness from the Lord, I am compelled to apologize. I am utterly sorry and I write this in tears. In many ways, I have hurt many people and made this my own responsibility to carry out which I should not have done. In many ways, this issue could have been carried out much better, but it is vital for me to continually give thanks to God even in these circumstances. I am sorry, everyone, for the hurt I have surfaced during this process of directing my decisions.

Currently, I am just soaking in the Father's love. I need it desperately. It is so easy to walk away and be bitter at the Word during this season. The area that hurts the most is that the ministry I felt the Father's love most is the one area being tested in my life at the moment. Community.

Old MTC (Transformer) Post - February 4, 2010

Read the first blog post I have ever written. Tracking how things have changed for me the past few years has been intense. I've been wrestling with why I journal my thoughts on my blog and not on paper anymore. Furthermore, I've been questioning whether it is appropriate for me to continually spill out my flaws/shortcomings on my blog. Listening to Matt Chandler for the first time this morning, I was reminded that sometimes, people do not need us to be strong. They need us to be weak and it is through our weakness that they may be encouraged. In the end, our Christian faith is not about us being great, but God being great.

Here's my old post:

from your post: And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idel, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

So often do we find cars that are idel. Either they're at the front of a mall entrance, the church, or simply on the side of a parking lot. Idel vehicles seem to be EVERYWHERE *annoyed*. That reaction of annoyance seems so 'natural'. But in Paul's writing, it challenges us of our attitudes towards those who are idel. I'm almost 100% confident that we can list out a list of brothers/sisters who are undergoing idleness. ...why?

Timidity... why is it that so often individuals are timid to share? What holds them back? Here's a thought: how many of us have friends who we've been friends with for a LONG TIME, and throughout the period of knowing this person, it seems as though you never 'knew' this person at all. It almost seems as though they've created a barricade; but with you outside. ...why?

The one thing that amazes me about Christianity is the challenge Christ places on us who follows Him through faith. Comfort (which i believe would lead to some sort of idleness), and timidity (which leads to the formation of relational-walls) aren't part of the Christian repertoire. Don't make sense? Ok, here... lets think about it this way:

The world today defines joy as a byproduct of success, comfort, abundance of wealth, and security. But the scriptures challenges us that whenever joy is present, there too is suffering. We read this during bible study! Romans 5:3-5. So, family, be encouraged to not be too comfortable for too long because that may lead to idleness (no movement). Second thought: be BOLD BOLD BOLD!!! You want to know others right? You want others to be real to you right? You don't want others to hide things from you right (well...certain things)? then FIRST, ask YOURSELF if you are doing just that...

Lastly, if a car was idle inside a garage for a period of time, what happens to the individual driver (and possible everyone inside the house)? They all risk the possibility of DEATH. Naturally, we would blame the driver for leaving the car on idle. But how about the individuals in the house that recognizes the idle car as well? Isn't it worse to know a car is idle, and do nothing about it? Family, when we see a brother/sister or a TRANSFORMER that is idle, realize that it will affect us too if we do not do something about it. Be encouraging; be an instrument of love and light; be imitators of Him.

Trust in the Lord

The first passage in the Bible that I ever memorized was the one in Proverbs, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." Such a beautiful promise - but a promise so difficult to walk out.

God has showed me time and time again how He has all things under control. In all my honesty, the area of 'personal finances' has been an ongoing issue in my life. I do not know how to save, and I do not know how to steward what has been given to me. A month or two ago, God opened up a door for a birthing of a new community of brothers. To be honest, I don't even know how it all happened. God placed on my heart a role to support my small group leader by building up a group of men that were willing to challenge one another to grow more intimately with the Lord. In brief, God congregated six guys together. We meet biweekly to study the book of Acts. We challenge one another with deep hearted questions regarding our life personally and corporately. Lastly, we share not only the sins seen, but also the sins unseen by other people.

Today, God has used His servant to humble me. Through his demonstration of love and support, I was reminded of how God has things under control. It was literally out of the 'normal' schedule meeting them on a "Thursday night at Tim Hortans." But through our yearning for more and our desire to be stretched, transformation is occurring and they are unmistakably unrecognizable now! Praise God for adopted grace. We are now all brothers because of what He has done.

Psalm 23 - Shadows

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down on green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

There are times when I hear God's audible voice. And there are times when I question whether I heard Him correctly. There are so many uncertainties and so many opportunities for me to be bitter at Him. Perhaps I am too hard on myself. Indeed, I need to show myself some grace. Psalm 23 has been my meditational passage this day. I couldn't function at school, so I simply left for home. The sequence of this passage never fails to compel me of how much Daddy loves me. I need to lie down and experience His protection and security. It is through receiving that I am enabled to walk (beside quiet waters). But even in my walking, He is leading. And it is not until we begin to walk out in obedience are our souls then restored.

What I need to hold onto now is the truth that the valley of the shadow of death is in fact a shadow. A shadow is something that doesn't hurt me. It brings fear - but it will never hurt me. Although I feel as if I am walking in darkness, the enemy can never hurt me for He is with me.

...Easier said than done.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul and forget not His benefits.

Urban Benediction

http://illseer.bandcamp.com/

It's been a rough half week for me. Been stacked with exam, assignments and essays (as usual). But the unusual things are the internal battles I am encountering. There are decisions I will need to make that will affect the future. God works in an interesting timing and everything seems to work out so perfectly - like the email I received from my brother Cyril.

My buddy is the pastor at Freechurch Toronto (http://www.freechurch.ca/). He recently emailed me his first digital album (URL above). Long story short, I listened to his versus and they're awesome. It feels as if he's rapping his benedictions! I require these blessings especially in dark times like now. It is amazing to witness God redeeming the things our society has lost back to Him. I officially met him this year through an event we were both involved in called Fluid Gathering. Check out his tracks.

Looking Ahead to August

There are currently two things on my heart for August. Mission trip to Kenya from August 3-20, and Camp Eulogia from August 23-26. Could I do both? Yes. But is it wise?

The plan for Kenya is PEACE:

• Plant Hope and the Good news through visitations
• Equip leaders by doing bible and computer training
• Assist the poor by teaching finance and accounting knowledge
• Care for the sick by providing free medical consultation (I think that's out of my realm - lol)
• Educate the next generation by mentoring and counseling youths

The plan for Camp Eulogia is to love and support. I had helped out last year at Camp Eulogia and it completely deepened my faith by stretching my heart capacity for God's children. Camp Eulogia is a Christian summer retreat for children with disabilities, their parents and siblings. (http://villageeulogia.com/camp.html)

At camp Eulogia last year, I had the opportunity to share with a boy why my dance name was 'Floodgatez'. I also shared with him how the name of an individual in the Bible was very important because it essentially defined who they were (i.e. the apostle Peter = the rock). I then asked him if he would protect his sister if a punk boy began to date her. The boy said he will punch the guy in the face :p

I asked the boy if he would make up a new name for himself. The name could be an object, event, or thing he looked up to. To be honest, I actually did not think he'd be seriously thinking about this. But two days later, the boy came up to me during camp fire and told me that he found a name - "Water!" He explained that water is not mean to hurt people. Although people drown in water from waves, it is because of circumstances that causes the waves to be so aggressive. He said he has these angry waves that hurts people such as his family and he does not want to hurt them anymore. He declared that he is not meant to hurt anyone. I asked him what is he meant to do? He responded, Water is naturally calm and peaceful. It is the wind that causes it to be aggressive. He wants to be calm and peaceful like water.

I responded telling him that if he surrendered himself to Jesus, he'll be transformed into new wine. I can't wait to see him again...

Redemption

I just came home from a dinner with Adrienne's family. Prior to that, we were at a conference called Fluid Gathering. My act of service at this conference was to worship in dance - breakdance.

I find it incredible how Satan can mess up our perceptions on what is beautiful (i.e. children, dancing, drums, marriage) and tempt humanity to use or view it as evil. It is also insane to see how Christians agree that these created things are 'evil' and thus demonize such beautiful creations.

From my youtube trailer, I noted at the end of the video that my career started from 2006 and ended in 2009. When I had stopped dancing, I literally demonized the art. I thought all dancers were screwed and steered towards hell. However, from 2009 to 2012, God has done some pretty crazy heart surgery in me. People have prophesied over me saying that I will go back in to dancing eventually but with a new heart. Brothers and sisters have exhorted me and encouraged me to recognize the talent that the Lord had blessed me with. Others have even rebuked me saying that I am not a good steward of what God had blessed me with. Overall, I feel like Moses where he had left Egypt, encountered God, and is now called to go back to Egypt.

I still ponder over a question my brother had asked: "if Floodgatez stopped dancing in 2009, then what are you now?" A 'floodgate' is essentially a gate that admits or restrains a powerful outpour or flood. The old Floodgate was a poor regulator of his own energy and emotions. I had hurt many people including my family, friends, and church. But the old is dead. From Malachi 3:10, whomever I come across with, I would like them to experience an opening of Heaven's floodgates and receive an outpour of blessings. God has redeemed what was tainted back to Himself. The new Floodgatez begins from 2009 until eternity. Thus, it will no longer be 'evil', but beautiful.

CLIU - Freedom in Christ challenge

So I sent an email challenging my small group with my thoughts from yesterday's small group bible study on Colossians 2:6-23. In brief, I challenged the group with the closing summary our small group leader (Karen) stated. She eloquently closed by saying the title of the passage - "Freedom From Human Regulations Through life with Christ". My challenge to our small group is to first and foremost grasp the meaning and application of living a life WITH CHRIST. Do not focus solely on the 'freedom from human regulations'. Freedom will follow if our lives are with Him.

Here are some questions I asked them to consider and ponder over:

• Are we a people that yearns for freedom more so than a relationship with Jesus? Does a relationship with Jesus equate to the absence of freedom?
• Some interpret 'human regulations' as going to church, going to small group, attending church festivities, attending fellowship, etc. If this is the case, has freedom from human regulations become an excuse for some of us (example: I am free in Christ therefore I do not need to attend small group)? I agree, we aren't supposed to be like Asian pharisees that come to every church event. But if you are not right with the Lord, would you not want to attend these church events?!

When our group split into men and women, my prayer is that our small group would be a place where boys become men. That the men would begin to lead and care for the hearts of our sisters and our partners. My hope is to see lives within the small group transform. The harvest is ready...