"Support"

Have you ever heard of a chair that sat on a person? Or a wheelchair that wanted to be carried? Or a bed that needed to rest ontop of a person?

Me neither.

Chairs, wheelchairs and beds are all symbols of support and it's usually a "one way" interaction. Why is it that so many people say they want to support, but only on their own terms, conditions and comfort. Am I interpreting something incorrectly or am I just overthinking things? I thought it was quite self explanatory. If someone wants to support me and my wife, just support us...

Over the years, my wife has asked less and less for help. At this point in our lives, anytime she asks for help, it often means she's exhausted all other resources. It's so tiring to watch her ask for support only to be shot down. Through this, however, I've learned that there is something more tiring than asking for help - rejection. Rejection does something to you, it causes you to keep things to yourself. Let's be honest ... If I could save myself the grief of experiencing rejection at the cost of wallowing in my own stress and anxiety, why not?!

All I can do as her husband is love her the way she needs - to be a gentle physical presence that is willing to give her my undivided attention.  Supporting her in everyway that she needs will probably be at the expense of my comfort, time, and energy. But that's ok! Because my greatest support on this side of heaven ... is her.

Unclear Support

Lecrae spoke about being in the background. Somewhere in the Bible it also spoke about worshipping in the privacy of your room so that you don't get caught up in boastful worship in public. 

I never saw this in my wife before - probably cause there's no hiding in a home church setting - but she blesses me with the opportunity to dial in to worship, conversations, and meetings by supporting me (or hiding) in the background. It's unclear what exactly it is that she does ... But isn't that how "support" works? I'll never know how the foundation of my house supports our home. I really don't how my chair is supporting my growing weight. And I don't exactly know how a car, let alone a plane, can bring me from point A to point B without crashing. 

There's just a level of faith and trust on the operational support happening in the background. Things might not always seem clear (like this photo), but I love, trust and have faith that my wife is right there supporting me so that I may function the way I am called to. 

Learn from the Mess

So much is going on in this picture. 

Charlotte woke up and needed her filled diaper changed. Michelle, wanting to give me more sleep, decided to tackle this mission alone even though 6:30am was my shift. 

First diaper - success. Upon sealing our child with a new diaper, she fires and attacks Michelle with her poop. The poop launches off the change table and onto the rug and foam puzzle pieces. 

Michelle, again, not wanting to wake me, gets on her knees, and cleans the affected areas. 

It irritates me that so many people; family and friends, only see and identify her of who she "was". Their definition of her derived from a time she was in need and thus they define her as needy, spoiled, and selfish. 

It hurts me to know my wife also labeled herself that way. When I asked her, are you ok with how so many of your old friends are now no longer your friend? She responds "it's cause they all see me as a party poopers." She said this as if it was ok. 

My wife has changed so much in so little time and I don't expect the world to see or acknowledge this change. God has given me a gift - not just my wife, but the gift to see her of not who she was, but who she is becoming. And as her husband, I am called to lead her into that fullness.