Monday, September 2, 2013
Day 1 - Evening
It's so difficult to breathe. I feel so anxious with her absence. If this is how she feels every time I leave, I promise I will never put her through that again. Upon our next meeting, I truly hope it will be the last time we need to say goodbye to one another.
Day 1 - Indonesia
There's so many layers of myself that I still cannot comprehend. The littlest incident could cause an earthquake of insecurities within me. Perhaps I'll never understand myself in this area, but I do want to recognize what triggers my insecurities.
Over the last few weeks leading up to Michelle's departure to Indonesia, I have been in a constant battle within my head. "What if? Just in case..." were only some of the questions I kept asking. I sat on my own pile of crap and dug myself a hole so no one could find me (emotionally) for days. The intentions of my withdrawal was to 1) avoid being hurt if my thoughts become a reality, and 2) avoid hurting anyone with my self-deprecation. Unfortunately, my thoughts became my partner's burden.
Once again, I am seeing how short my faith in the Lord is. I struggle in releasing my partner to the Lord and trusting that He will be our good and faithful shepherd that will never leave us nor forsake us. That He will guide us through the valleys of the shadow of death and lead us by quiet waters. That He will cause us to lie down on green pastures and His rod and staff will comfort us. That His peace will be upon as, as the Giver of peace will walk with us. That His grace is our sufficiency. That He will clothe us the way He dresses the lilies of the field. That His favour rests upon those who loves Him. That we are His beloved.
Though these promises are amazing, they're difficult to soak in. But I truly believe that the next 8 months will be refining grounds towards our love, integrity, purity, and trust. I honestly thought that I would cry my eyes out today. But as Michelle and I prayed at the gate, a flood of peace flowed through my veins. I know that He is with us, and whatever happens, He will provide us with enough strength to endure it. He doesn't promise a journey free from pain, He promises His presence throughout the experience.
Over the last few weeks leading up to Michelle's departure to Indonesia, I have been in a constant battle within my head. "What if? Just in case..." were only some of the questions I kept asking. I sat on my own pile of crap and dug myself a hole so no one could find me (emotionally) for days. The intentions of my withdrawal was to 1) avoid being hurt if my thoughts become a reality, and 2) avoid hurting anyone with my self-deprecation. Unfortunately, my thoughts became my partner's burden.
Once again, I am seeing how short my faith in the Lord is. I struggle in releasing my partner to the Lord and trusting that He will be our good and faithful shepherd that will never leave us nor forsake us. That He will guide us through the valleys of the shadow of death and lead us by quiet waters. That He will cause us to lie down on green pastures and His rod and staff will comfort us. That His peace will be upon as, as the Giver of peace will walk with us. That His grace is our sufficiency. That He will clothe us the way He dresses the lilies of the field. That His favour rests upon those who loves Him. That we are His beloved.
Though these promises are amazing, they're difficult to soak in. But I truly believe that the next 8 months will be refining grounds towards our love, integrity, purity, and trust. I honestly thought that I would cry my eyes out today. But as Michelle and I prayed at the gate, a flood of peace flowed through my veins. I know that He is with us, and whatever happens, He will provide us with enough strength to endure it. He doesn't promise a journey free from pain, He promises His presence throughout the experience.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)